Ok. So its like Im in a supermarket... now imagine crunchies (chocolate) were no longer sold. They are never made and you cant get one. Yeah? Right. M is a crunchie. You go into the supermarket, see some random chocolate, fancy a crunchie, know its not gunna happen. Dont get me wrong, you can want a crunchie,
but you cannot get it. Then theres the JS and HD and DS, on the shelf as you walk in on buy one get one free, and the reason theyre on bogof is because they are easy to make, mass produced and nobody really wants them. They go in the fridge and stay clingy and overprotective when you try other food. But thats ok
too. The problem is Brocolli. JH. Brocolli is sitting on the top shelf, the one you cant reach normally but if you climb on the mini slippery railings you can just about grab it. If you fall off the railings whilst trying to reach it then you get hurt, and if you drop it and someone else picks it up when you are climbing down, you've lost it for good. But brocolli is so tempting, and so cool, that it seems worth it. The question is... is it?
Brocolli spoke to me today, friendly, out of the blue, and I just about died. I went weak at the knees, was in a good mood for the night and was dancing round my room. I have not felt like this for about 8 years, since my 1st crush asked me out. Since then Ive been on autopilot. Some relationships have been good, some bad, but I havent felt like this. Even when I hugged M for a while, I was in a good mood and so excited but you know nothings gunna happen so you leave it. With Brocolli something could. and I cant beileve Im falling for him. He tripped me up so I fell. Im going to get hurt, I can tell. xxx
Thursday, 25 March 2010
Wednesday, 24 March 2010
Poems.
Oh by the way. Im pissed off at myself. Everytime I have an idea for a poem I lose the incentive to write it. WHATS WRONG WITH ME!?!?!?
:S xxxxxxxxx
:S xxxxxxxxx
Its Back
And by "It" I mean Me.
Hola. Que tal? On which note I mention that Im pretty sure I just failed ANOTHER Spanish GCSE oral. Yesterday. I was upsetish but when I got back with my friends I broke down. Vicky and Olivia saved me though, which was nice of them.
I hugged M today! Was in that mood where your innabhitions go, and OH my God. 3 second hug, but she hugged me back, and I swear to God my Drama Mock went right downhill because I spent the duration of the exam staring at her. Everytime she coughs, she puts down her pen, coughs, looks around nervously, picks up the pen, chews it, and then starts writing. Its so cute, andI really shouldnt say that because its stalkerish!
Yep, Mock week this week. Ill post my results after Easter, I break up on Friday! Cant wait! Also means some alone time with Vicky. Not in a dirty way or like way, but just that I havent spent any time with my 'best friend' recently. Her and Livvy or Her and Tori are always running off without me, and its getting to me more that I let on. Their game : The stair race, involves them racing from the dorms to the lunch room, which is a 2 minute walk. I wait for them and we leave the room together and then they race and I have to walk the rest of the way by myself. Also, Vix isnt sticking up for me, which i find really upsetting.
I dont know if i wrote about JH last time. JS the guy who liked me asked me out. I said kind of. It sounds wierd, but I love him as a friend but not more, so I just said we should meet up but not date. I was as nce as possible. JH is the 18 yr old I like, and he likes me, but we have a VERY open relationship. We went to 2nd the other day, in an empty park in the cold at 7 am. We havent spoken since, just because we havent had the chance. I still really miss A, and hadnt seen C for ages until last weekend, where I saw him for bit on Sunday. Nothing happened, but it was fun. We spoke about gay and bi and stuff like that. Im much more open than he is, and im pretty sure he knows. Hes the only person whos asked me outright if Im bisexual. I think everyone else is too scared to know the truth to be honest.
Im quite tired, but I havent got much to do. Im failing languages except english, and got an A in drama. That sounds amazing but I was upset, because people in my group got A*s and I thought I deserved one. I sound like a spoilt brat but... still.
I feel very fat, and just reading this I hate myself for saying it, but I can see it. The bulge of a large stomach and the fact that I havent got my 'nightly exercise' (yeah... worse than it sounds) for a week because of monthly timings mean i havent lost anything either. Everytime I try not to eat I end up eating more than anyone else :S Its most upsetting.
Im going to have a little listen to my ipod now but its unbelievable how long this M thing has carried on. Even if it were a guy I dont think a 4 year unrequited secret crush is normal somehow...
meh.
ly xxxx
Hola. Que tal? On which note I mention that Im pretty sure I just failed ANOTHER Spanish GCSE oral. Yesterday. I was upsetish but when I got back with my friends I broke down. Vicky and Olivia saved me though, which was nice of them.
I hugged M today! Was in that mood where your innabhitions go, and OH my God. 3 second hug, but she hugged me back, and I swear to God my Drama Mock went right downhill because I spent the duration of the exam staring at her. Everytime she coughs, she puts down her pen, coughs, looks around nervously, picks up the pen, chews it, and then starts writing. Its so cute, andI really shouldnt say that because its stalkerish!
Yep, Mock week this week. Ill post my results after Easter, I break up on Friday! Cant wait! Also means some alone time with Vicky. Not in a dirty way or like way, but just that I havent spent any time with my 'best friend' recently. Her and Livvy or Her and Tori are always running off without me, and its getting to me more that I let on. Their game : The stair race, involves them racing from the dorms to the lunch room, which is a 2 minute walk. I wait for them and we leave the room together and then they race and I have to walk the rest of the way by myself. Also, Vix isnt sticking up for me, which i find really upsetting.
I dont know if i wrote about JH last time. JS the guy who liked me asked me out. I said kind of. It sounds wierd, but I love him as a friend but not more, so I just said we should meet up but not date. I was as nce as possible. JH is the 18 yr old I like, and he likes me, but we have a VERY open relationship. We went to 2nd the other day, in an empty park in the cold at 7 am. We havent spoken since, just because we havent had the chance. I still really miss A, and hadnt seen C for ages until last weekend, where I saw him for bit on Sunday. Nothing happened, but it was fun. We spoke about gay and bi and stuff like that. Im much more open than he is, and im pretty sure he knows. Hes the only person whos asked me outright if Im bisexual. I think everyone else is too scared to know the truth to be honest.
Im quite tired, but I havent got much to do. Im failing languages except english, and got an A in drama. That sounds amazing but I was upset, because people in my group got A*s and I thought I deserved one. I sound like a spoilt brat but... still.
I feel very fat, and just reading this I hate myself for saying it, but I can see it. The bulge of a large stomach and the fact that I havent got my 'nightly exercise' (yeah... worse than it sounds) for a week because of monthly timings mean i havent lost anything either. Everytime I try not to eat I end up eating more than anyone else :S Its most upsetting.
Im going to have a little listen to my ipod now but its unbelievable how long this M thing has carried on. Even if it were a guy I dont think a 4 year unrequited secret crush is normal somehow...
meh.
ly xxxx
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