Good Morning

Slightly odd due to the fact that its 3.30 and Ive spent the last hour trying to fix this bloody laptop and make it turn on. So. Whats happening?

Well one thing is that I am currently squished on a sofa with Fi on one end snoring (shes been asleep for about 4 hours to be fair). Ive watched friends, jonas and the boat that rocked. I feel very fat, we've had McDonalds. Shakeaway, Yo Sushi, Krispy Kreme, Ben&Jerrys, a pizza... and the list goes on.

Mind you, at out old school Fi was not very pretty, but now (and i say this regardless of sexual orientation) she is. Fit. Its weird, she has huge tits and a small waist, shorter but it suits her. Pretty face and cool hair, and I am immensly jealous. Whats quite nice though is that Im not attracted to her. I mean, I know shes hot and I definately would, but I dont like her like that. Odd. 

So I saw C today for a bit, with Fi. Very useful, because although we didnt do anything I think he might actually like me. Well, no but meh. I have worked out though that he knows B and Fi of all of my friends. B may try and steal him from me, I know she kind of likes him but i had bagsied him. Fi wont, and Im so glad she approves of him (so to speak) because it makes me more confident because of my appauling taste in guys.

I am too nervous to let him meet any of my other friends though. If Fi or B turned on the charms they could get him away from me easily, but I dont *think* they would. My other friends, some of whom are less confident around guys, are stunning. If they liked him they would have him from me in 20 seconds, I know it. So Im too scared. I mean, I tried on a dress today and it looked alright, among the other 10 that looked hideous. Me and Fi did that girly thing where you swap dresses and she looked awesome in it. Its so upsetting that Im alright. If I was *bad* then I could complain and not annoy people. If I was *good* then I wouldnt need to. But Im average. Just below it. Im not skinny or fat, im average. Im not pretty or ugly, Im average. Im not blonde or brunette, Im in the middle. Its awful!!! 

I dunno, I guess I do kind of like C. Which I didnt expect. Hes much more relationshippy than me and I still have a thing for Sir Broccoli. Grrrr I dont know why, I havent spoken to him in ages. Im so confused.

I thought I had my sleeping pattern sorted, but obviously not. Im just gunna have to improvise. And try and get some work done tomorrow once Fi has gone home. 

Love. xxx

PS. One point of interest. Went to Ann Summers today with Fi. Bloody hell its expensive! Im so broke, I cant afford Macdonalds at the moment, and yet Fi  has her card and spent hundreds today. Literally. Hundreds. Looking at everything from costumes to toys to lingerie, couldnt believe the price, but Oh I was tempted. It would be useful to have something...

anyway. Oh yeah, I finally got a condom from Fi. I want to go on the pill but Im too nervous with mum at the moment, Im not really in the mood for *deep chats*. At least Im prepared. To be honest, I feel so stupid. I like C but hes not in a hurry to lose it. and Sir Broccoli... well alright. He shotgunned my virginity. What the hell?! I know, it wasnt serious, purely joke, but I like the idea of him being my first. I think Id rather he was my first... but I dunno. Maybe I trust Callum more. 

I dont even know if either of them like me in any way shape or form. 

PPS. I dont know if you remember A (AP) my friend from the party we "crashed" but I still havent spoken to him. I miss him. Its really upsetting actually. 

Ok. Bye. At last.

xxx

PPPS. Why dont I have this energy and writing patience for GCSE drama?! 

zzzzzzzz

xxxxxxx