Cringe

Embarrassment - Whole new level. Ok so since going to 2nd (not a big deal) with CC Ive had a few people tease me (joke) at school. Im not upset, its just a laugh and I dont care. Except, today in science M comes up to me, bright red and acting embarrassed. She asks how I know CC and seems agitated, like she knows him. And then she was like... "last year, I was drunk... we were at this party" and all I could think was a) OMG she cant know him, b) He would have mentioned it and c) does that mean Ive been getting off with her when Ive been getting off with CC. And I swear to God that was exactly what I wanted to hear.
This scares me, it really does. I practically revolve my day around her, Ill do anything for her. Im selling food for a fundraiser and I dont do freebies for friends, best friends, anyone. And she comes in and asks for a freebie and I give her a sherbet stick. No questions asked, its just Im so enamored by her that I cant handle her being in the same room as me.

Also, still randomly stalking Sir Broccoli, because I am in lust with him. My friend summed it up :

Sir B is what I want, but CC is what I need.

What I dont understand is why I cant want what I need and need what I want. This blog scares me aswell by the way. The fact that if a friend found it they would know all my deepest darkest secrets mean I am at such risk. Its dangerous. Physically dangerous. Because if this was found... well I dont know what would happen. It would get spread, and printed, and found, and ...

You get my drift. I only hope anyone who knows me well enough to know the people in my stories love me as much as I love them and wouldnt publish it. Because I wouldnt be able to keep going if that happened.

Right, Im off. I finished my book (the one I wrote about) and the sense of satisfaction was immense. The next in the series will begin reading tomorrow :)

xxx