M

Right the majority of this post will be about M. The girl I like. Shes in a completely different social group, I dont speak to her. Its impossible that she could find this blog. Except...

Well I mention her alot. I saw her for the first time in 3 weeks today and my God shes stuning. Thing is, she came up and hugged me ( :o *scream* ) in front of loads of my friends and was being odd - asking me (I think sarcastically) to come and sleep over in London with her and go to partys with her. I mean, it was a joke on my part but I wonder if she suspects something.

Thing is, Im not gunna stop liking her because just imagine for a minute she liked me. I mean Im sure she doesnt, shes straight and I know it, but shes not a slag like most of her group and... and well my heart stops and I go red (and I mean proper red!) everytime she speaks to me. I remember every conversation, every joke, every laugh. She wrote me a not once, a kind of joke, and I still have it. That was ages ago. Shes just so... well shes so amazing.

Not much else to say really. 3 A*s in GCSE science :) Top mark in drama mock :D and okish mark in history :S Im lying to Dad and saying we havent done a maths test because I got a bad mark. I feel guilty but cest la vie.

Im so nervous about M. I dont know why shes... well why shes talking to me I suppose. Does she suspect me? Dear God, I love CC in a friends with benefits way. When I see Sir Brocolli Im in lust with him, I go all girly but it wont last forever. With M I dunno, its just... different. Its exciting and new and scary and...

I guess I just like things I cant have. I like teachers and 6th formers and girls in the wrong social group just because then its not my fault that I cant have them. Its like in Glee, when she likes the teacher. It because if he doesnt like her back she cant blame herself, she blames him and his wife and his job. Its not her fault. Thats the thing with me I think... I dont want to feel like Im not good enough so I pick people who wont make me wonder whats wrong with *me*.

Im really weird.

www.postpals.co.uk --- If you get a chance visit it and send a letter. Every little helps :)

xxx